Stealing Lives by Virginia Ramage Smith

From the beginning of our life together, we agreed completely on the joy of traveling. For the first years there was no money for long or expensive trips, but we found ways to enjoy weekend jaunts and brief visits with our families. In time, we were able to save for specific targets – to Europe, cruises to the Caribbean area, even to the Orient – and there was always a plan in waiting for the next time. Now, for the past ten years, there have been no trips more than 30 miles from home. There are no plans in the future, and that is a great loss.

Handyman Help

I have lost my handyman. Fred was not always the best handyman I have known, but he was there. Now I must hire someone to do seemingly simple chores, like check the smoke alarms, turn over the king-size mattress, move a heavy piece of furniture, or repair a broken chair leg. My neighbor sets the sprinkler for me, and a yard man mows the lawn. Now when I have to change a lock on a door, I call for help. At this point, Fred is more likely to cause a problem inadvertently than to cure one, so I must be constantly vigilant. I miss having Fred’s help.

Companionship

I miss the companionship shared at the close of a busy day, when we slowed down and talked about each other and what comes next. We took this time to go quietly about preparing for the next day, knowing that each of us would be there to help the other. Now, I am painfully aware that Fred does not even recall those times. We can no longer enjoy remembering together the things that have made up our long lives. I miss my companion.

I express my loss not as a complaint but only to describe extent to which Alzheimer’s disease affects those who care for the afflicted one. My life is altered irrevocably because I’ve lost the everyday ease once present when things were more normal. I have lost the freedom to do my own thing, to abandon Fred for awhile and be carefree. I am sometimes resentful and angry, sometime guilty and inadequate.

Alzheimer’s disease has stolen my husband. It has stolen my life as well.

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BIO:

Virginia Ramage Smith is the 82-year-old caregiver for her husband, a victim of Alzheimer's disease. She is also the chairman of the best is yet.net, Inc. Read more from her biweekly column at http://www.thebestisyet.net

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