Better Aging by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

Lamenting my “last baby,” I was reminded by an older friend that she went weekly to the neonatal unit at the hospital and sat and rocked the newborns.

On a recent flight to Seattle, I met an 80 year old woman with her foster baby. She took newborns to their adoptive parents, usually a plane ride. There she was with infant seat, bottles, diaper bag, and the whole thing. How she did it physically I don’t know. It must’ve been the drive of her heart, the satisfaction she got, and the physical condition she had to be in to do it. The heart will motivate.

Emotional Intelligence involves flexibility and being able to generate new solutions. Just as the teenager must one day have her first job, you will one day have to move into new territory, one way or another. Re-creating roles is one thing you can do for better aging. If you are “stuck” on a certain definition and in the “yes, but” mode, consider something different.

CLIENT: I miss so much being a mother.

ME: Then go mother someone.

CLIENT: That’s not the same thing. That’s not being their REAL mother.

ME: Says who?

I have had, when working at the children’s shelter, a child tell me, “I know you’re my real mom.” Yes, it’s heart-rending. Yes, that’s part of it. Wasn’t it part of it the first time round?

As a volunteer director, I relied on many people who were starting new roles, and the more they considered it their job, their real job, the more helpful they were to me.

Managing the kitchen of the shelter can be as much a real management job as you make it, and if you think it isn’t “real” and isn’t needed, on what do you base your judgment?

Does money have to change hands? There are other things to work for, and other rewards, and if being important is one of them, you will, if anything, be more important, because many volunteers call in at the slightest whim to cancel, or don’t show up at all. They don’t take it seriously. Taking things seriously is a personal decision and totally within your control.

Molly has “adopted” her niece and nephew by-marriage, who are very young and going through some very difficult times. Notice these people are not even related to her. With a newborn in the house, their toddler has been diagnosed with a heart defect, possibly terminal, and requiring lots of care, while one of their parents is also dying. No one told them Molly wasn’t their mother. And believe me, no one asked for her credentials when she showed up at the door of this overwhelmed young couple.

Somewhere there’s someone who needs you in the role you value most, and if you haven’t found them, you’re being lazy. Don’t be lazy. You’re needed. Get out there!

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BIO:

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I offer coaching, distance learning programs, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional development. I train and certify EQ coaches. Get into this field, dubbed “white hot” by the press, now. No residency requirement. Start immediately. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine. For daily EQ Tips, send blank email to EQ4U-subscribe@yahoogroups.com .

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