Imitation of Life (and How to Get Real) by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Consultant

“Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble,” wrote Samuel Johnson. I would amend this to: “Almost all human misery and wasted living comes from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.”

As a coach, I see it daily. I work with people in transitions, some of whom are well beyond burnout and driven to coaching in their healthy desire for relief from the stress and misery of imitating that which they can’t resemble.

The realization that they can no longer tolerate doing something they weren’t meant to be doing, no matter what the salary, comes in various forms – physical aches and pains, migraines, depression, fatigue, irritability, flash anger, or numbness, the ability to feel nothing at all. Emotions out-of-control is the general theme – at one extreme, shutting down and feeling no pleasure because all the energy goes to managing the pain; or over-reacting, living in anger, hostility and mood swings which drive away loved ones, compromise work, and bring exhaustion in another way. Sometimes the physical symptoms are the driving point. Other times an external crisis precipitates the epiphany – the death of a parent, or getting fired. Other times its depression and imploding relationships.

Depression is epidemic and immune deficiency conditions are proliferating. Stress and anger are known to compromise the immune system, which is our health. Chronic stress and chronic depression are associated with changes in the hippocampus (an area of the brain), and problems with learning and memory.

The effects are long-reaching, including putting you at risk for Alzheimer’s Disease. According to a recent report in the journal Neurology on Alzheimer’s Disease, subjects classified as highly prone to stress were shown to have twice the risk of developing Alzheimer’s as those in the lower stress category. Furthermore, there was a greater than tenfold increase in episodic memory decline (remembering events, not facts). The study found that chronic psychological distress is a risk factor for Alzheimer’s Disease.”

One of the greatest stresses we can put ourselves under is pretending to be what we’re not, of asking ourselves to do things that are foreign to us. Buckingham and Clifton, authors of “Now, Discover Your Strengths,” based on research on over 2,000,000 subjects, concluded that working within areas of your innate talents not only allows you to achieve near-excellence most of the time, but to do this without draining yourself. If this sounds like a dream to you, why not make it a reality? To work with yourself instead of against yourself allows you to be productive and also generate energy, not deplete it.

The StrengthsFinder® profile, from the Gallup organization, shows you what your 5 top innate talents are, in descending order, using both familiar and unique terms, such as Deliberativeness, Focus, Analytical, WOO (Winning Others Over), Harmony, Connectedness and Strategic. There are 34 strengths, and the chances of any two people having the same 5 in the same order are millions to one. Yes, you are unique. Yes, you may not be taking advantage of this.

As an example, people with Strategic are natural-born strategists, a talent which the authors say cannot be learned. Considering the need in organizations these days for long-term strategy, you would think this profile would be routinely administered, wouldn’t you, in employee selection? Why force someone without this talent to attempt the impossible, when there are people who do this as naturally as they draw a breath?

In another example, people with Deliberativeness are naturals for due diligence, research, coaching and law. They are naturally cautious, keen on ferreting out loopholes, and prone to deliberate carefully before making decisions or taking action. If you have Deliberativeness and are working in a field requiring fast action and forcing you to make shoot-from-the-hip decisions, you’re a sea creature trying to live on the land.

To live a good life, you must develop and use emotional intelligence. The cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness. The StrengthsFinder® profile can show you what your innate talents are, which, combined with education, training and expertise, become strengths.

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BIO:

(c)Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, business programs,
consulting, Internet courses, teleclasses and ebooks around
emotional intelligence for personal and professional
development. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine. To
become a certified EQ coach - http://www.eqcoach.net .

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