The High Cost of Anger - Part 1 by Dr. Tony Fiore

Learn to manage your feelings for better health. Suppose you are standing in the ‘express’ lane of a supermarket checkout. You see that the third person ahead of you has about 25 items and is paying by check when the signage clearly restricts this isle to 10 items and cash-paying customers.

You, on the other hand, are standing there with a dollar in your hand to purchase a package of chewing gum.

The cashier is doing nothing to manage the situation and, in fact, is having a friendly chat with him about his life while she is ringing up his items.

If you are like most people, you will probably experience angry feelings. Then what should you do? How should you respond?

There are three ways to deal with angry feelings:

1.View the situation differently. While angry feelings frequently surprise us and come upon us automatically, it is our ‘self-talk’ that makes us angrier. Change what you tell yourself about what is going on, and you can drastically change your feelings about it. In our example, try telling yourself things like “Maybe he or she isn’t aware this is an express lane,” or “Actually, a few minutes more won’t matter,” or “I’ll speak to the manager about the issue when I have more time.”

2.Relax and cool down. Once captured by intense angry feelings, we may become incapacitated and unable to problem-solve or to obtain the information we need to deal with the issue. The solution is to cool down before doing anything.

For example, while standing in line, take in several deep breaths. Count to 10. Tell yourself things like “Calm down,” “This won’t be important tomorrow,” and “I can control my emotions.”

3.Look for alternatives. Look for different ways to respond to the situation, before angry feelings overtake you. Maybe you can still get what you want without displaying angry behavior. For instance, try simple information giving (“Are you aware that this is an express lane?”), or assertive communication (“May I get ahead of you since this is an express lane and I only have one item?”)

It is almost always better to try alternatives before expressing anger or aggression!

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BIO:

Dr. Tony Fiore is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com and receive two bonus reports.

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