My Search for the Truth by Barbara Phillips

I am a Falun Dafa practitioner. Maybe you’ve heard about the persecution of Falun Dafa (or Falun Gong) practitioners in China. Over the past five years, many people have been committed to mental institutions, tortured, detained, imprisoned, and even killed, simply for refusing to give up this practice. Unfortunately, most Americans don’t know about this situation, or they’ve been given a negative impression, and so the persecution goes on. My intention is to give my impression of Falun Dafa, and hopefully, bring an awareness of this situation to the people of this country--a country that was founded on the basis of religious and spiritual freedom.

All of my life, I have been searching for answers to all of life’s most fundamental questions: Why am I here? What is the purpose of life? Why do bad things happen to good people? Who is God? Why does He allow all of this?

As a child and again as a teenager, I searched for the answers in Christianity, and even though I sensed wisdom and truth in the teachings of Jesus--being honest, loving thy neighbor, turning the other cheek--there seemed to be something missing. Maybe something got lost in the translation.

I didn’t have a problem with not understanding everything about God’s actions--I mean He is God after all, and so how can I expect to understand Him? However, I did feel that I had some legitimate questions about justice. For instance, why do really bad things happen to seemingly good people? Why are babies born with deformities? How could this person’s life of ninety years be equal to that person’s life of 25 years? If all you have to do to go to heaven is believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins, then what kind of a place would heaven be? I mean, I know a lot of people who believe that, and I’m not really sure that heaven would be better than earth if that were the case. Also, what happens to people who have never been exposed to Christianity or believe in some other god or religion? Obviously, I had a lot of questions that could not be answered within the framework of contemporary Christian religions. Consequently, I gave up the search--at least for the time being.

When I was twenty-three years old, I became ill. Over the next few years, I became unable to work, and I was eventually diagnosed with lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and vasculitis.

I had problems with every joint in my body; I couldn’t stand, sit, or use my hands for any length of time; I had no stamina and slept for about twelve hours every day; I often had acute pain that came and went for apparently no reason and chronic pain that could last for hours; I often could not get comfortable enough to go to sleep; because of the amount and kind of medication that I took, I developed a lot of digestive problems; and I often ran a low-grade fever for days, and sometimes, weeks at a time.

Over the last two years, the vasculitis had become quite bad. I would often break out in large hives all over my body, and would get large spontaneous ‘bruises’ on my legs and arms that were not the result of any trauma and which took an unusual length of time to heal. I knew that this could not go on indefinitely, and so I had come to accept the fact that the length of my life was severely limited.

I thought that I would just try to live what was left of my life the best that I could, but I still longed for the answers to those age-old questions. Even though I believed I would receive the answers when I died, I decided that I would ask for them while I still lived. So, one day, I imagined myself crying out to the universe for help.

I remembered reading in a book that if you ever have a question, you should go to the library. Even if they don’t have the answer, they can probably help you find it or where to go to get it. So, I went to the library to look for the answer.

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BIO:

Barbara Phillips is currently living in Harrisonville, Missouri, is 41 years old, single, and a mother of a 21 year old daughter. She is currently working as a Teleunderwriter, and has a BSEET from DeVRY University, KCMO. Her website is at: http://hometown.aol.com/barbbatson/myhomepage/index.html

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