For Caregivers: Letting Go of the "G" Word... GUILT (Give Undeserved Illusions Little Thought) by William Hammond, J.D.

What is guilt? According to Dictionary.com, it is being responsible for the commission of an offense. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong. Self-reproach for inadequacy or wrongdoing.

Is it fact, that you, the caregiver, are responsible for an offense? Have you done something wrong? Quite the contrary. You have taken on the responsibility of caring for a person you love very much. You did not ask for this person to have Alzheimer's Disease, nor did you ask to be the caregiver. This is a situation that life has presented to you and you have stepped up to the plate. It was a choice to care. What a brave, honorable decision you made. Whether you care for them by yourself or you have assistance (in home care, day care or nursing home care), you are the "one" there for them.

Why do you take responsibility for things you're not "guilty" of? Is your best not good enough? Of course it is. So, why do you feel inadequate? Because you set goals that are unattainable for anyone to reach.

I have worked with many caregivers over the past 20 years and the majority of them faced feelings of guilt. They put their ALL into caregiving and yet, never felt as if they were doing enough. If you are doing your best, then you are doing enough. You are not guilty of anything. You have not been "sentenced" to this situation, it has been given. When something is given, it is a gift. You can't control what is given to you, but you can control how you choose to respond.

A real life example: Several years ago I worked with a man who was the caregiver for his wife with Alzheimer's Disease. They had been high school sweethearts and had been married close to 55 years when I met them. I remember the first day he talked with me, he was distraught, beside himself, sort of "scattered." (Little did I know, he and his wife had been presenters for the Dale Carnegie series, obviously not a "scattered" man).

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BIO:

William G. Hammond, JD is a nationally known elder law attorney and founder of The Alzheimer’s Resource Center. He is a frequent guest on radio and television and has developed innovative solutions to guide families who have a loved one suffering from Alzheimer’s. For more information you can visit his website at www.BeatAlzheimers.com

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