Being Nice Can Be Hazardous To Your Health by Vicki Rackner MD

of yourself comes with a huge cost that ultimately limits

your ability to serve. You can be freed from the

imprisonment of people-pleasing. If you want to treat

yourself with more love and respect, here are some thoughts.

Re-think being nice.

People-pleasing is a learned behavior that can be unlearned.

Although habits may be deeply engrained, small changes can

make a huge difference. Next time you’re asked to volunteer,

instead of jumping in with a "Yes", say, instead, "I’ll get

back to you on that." You will come to understand that "no"

is a complete sentence, and you can utter the word! If you

can’t imagine doing this, use this "fake it till you make it

trick"...tell yourself that you’re taking care of your

children’s father, your mother’s daughter or your pet’s

owner.

Take care of yourself every day.

Get exercise, nutrition and rest every day. Do something

that recharges your batteries every day no matter what. It’s

a cliché, but when you’re on a plane you’re instructed to

put on your own mask before taking care of others.

Bring an advocate with you to the doctor.

Engaging in acts of self-care, like going to the doctor, can

feel like swimming upstream to a people-pleaser. Being nice

takes the form of being a good patient who doesn’t make

waves.

Here is something critical to remember: You are not there to

take care of your doctor; your doctor is there to take care

of you. In the past you may have made your medical choices

by raising your antennae and tuning into what you think will

make your doctor happy. You certainly want your doctor’s

opinion, and in most cases you will agree with your doctor’s

recommendations. Sometimes getting good care means making

waves, like asking , "What are the other treatment options?"

or requesting a more complete explanation or seeking a

second medical opinion.

While it’s always a good idea to take a second set of

listening ears to a doctor appointment, it’s particularly

important if you’re a people-pleaser. An advocate will

assure that you and your health care team stay focused on

taking care of you.

Accept help.

People-pleasers can give from dawn to dusk, but they rarely

accept help, even when they’re sick. When I ask my patients

who are people-pleasers how it feels to help a friend

struggling with illness, the answer is a broad smile. Then I

remind them that when they accept help, they give their

friends a chance to have those same good feelings.

If you are a people-pleaser, your heart might be racing. I

assure you I’m not asking to give up serving others. I’m

suggesting that a healthy life is a life in balance, and I

encourage you to treat yourself as nicely as you treat

others. When you take care of yourself, you offer us the

gift of most fully who you are. Then you can really serve.

It's more important than ever to take an active role in your

healthcare. The best way to get top-quality, safe and

effective healthcare is to actively and knowledgably

participate. Visit http://www.MedicalBridges.com for the

tools to get you there.

Copyright © Vicki Rackner MD, 2005

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BIO:

Vicki Rackner, MD, president of Medical Bridges, is a board-
certified surgeon who left the operating room to help
employees become active participants in their health care.
She is a consultant, speaker and author of the *Personal
Health Journal*, and author/editor of *Chicken Soup for the
Healthy Heart Soul." Dr. Rackner can
be reached at http://www.MedicalBridges.com or
(425) 451-3777.

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